How to know what to give and what to hold back

How do we know where our limits are?

And with who?

We map them out. 

Think of your relationships as existing within circles of connection.

Each ring represents how close they are to you; the center.


The outer rings of people should get less access than the inner ones get.
But what does that mean?
Though we may have similar answers sometimes, it’s different for everyone.

We can do this exercise with any realm of energy exchange…Physical, Imaginative, Mental, Emotional… but let's look at Physical access privileges today.

Starting with the outer circle of strangers leading into the inner circle of the most intimate of relationships, I’ll run you through some ideas that pop up for me right away on who gets what from me and who doesn’t.

…

-Strangers? I can stand next to anybody.

-Acquaintances? Y'all get handshakes.

-Friends? Hug access granted.

-Close friends / Family? You can sleep over on my couch if you need to; home access granted.

-Life partner? The only one who gets the s*x privileges with me.

-Myself? This is the center-most circle where only I get to be. 
These are the physical privileges that are denied to all others except for myself. It may be a ridiculous example, but it is true that I am the only one who gets to run around with me in my clothes today. No one else gets to hop into my leggings and share them with me!

…

Try filling out this exercise sheet for yourself and see where you're at.

What privileges of access you reserve for those who belong in each circle makes you a person of integrity.
It also makes your relationships more solid in what they mean. To you. And to others.

Holding these boundaries for those you trust rewards them in real ways. Not everyone gets access to all parts of you.
And the wonderful part of all of this is that it can be communicated, updated, and shared with those you care about.

We can give small bits of trust to see if someone can move into our closer rings.
Or we can take away access to move someone into an outer circle and create some distance when needed.


Now go further and try the exercise with who and where you give your Mental, Emotional, and Imaginative energy and access to.